Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Why it's okay that my husband forgot our anniversary.

WARNING: Ridiculously Sappy Post Ahead

Today is mine and Porter's 8th anniversary!  It is also 10 years that we've been together, a whole decade.    We've definitely had our ups and downs, like every couple, however I would like to think that our ups definitely out number the downs.  We were really young when we got married.  I was 21 and Porter was 23.  We felt like such grown ups, but we really were babies.  We joke that we were smart babies though, because we knew a good thing when we saw it.  We are different people now then we were back then.  We've each grown a lot and luckily we've worked together and thus grown in similar directions.

When ever we attend weddings it seems like there is a book or frame or something in which the happy couple wants relationship advice.  During my time being married the most important words I've learned to say are "I'm sorry."  It's hard to admit that you may have hurt your partners feelings or that you may have been in the wrong.  During our first year of marriage we had some disagreements and I would refuse to admit blame.  It was obviously his fault, duh.  But then one night during an argument Porter said "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I didn't mean too."  And I just sat there in silence, because I did have hurt feelings and I was mad (although I can't remember what the fight was about now).  He then asked if I was sorry that I had hurt his feelings, to which I just looked at the wall.  He then asked me why I never said I was sorry.  Now I would say sorry, but I never really meant it in a way that I took any ownership of the problem.  But that hit me, and I felt really bad that, even if maybe it was his fault, I still had hurt his feelings along the way.  I saw this meme on the inter webs that read something like this:  Saying your sorry doesn't necessarily mean you are wrong or did something bad, it simply is an expression of sorrow at the situation at hand.  After that night I started saying sorry a lot.  And you know what, so did he.  It helped our relationship a ton.  And in the end, it doesn't matter who is right and who isn't, really what matters is that you sit down together as a couple and talk about things and work through them as a team, meaning two people who have each other's best interests at heart.  So that is my advice to newlyweds or any relationship really: Don't be afraid to say your are sorry, but also work as a couple to move forward and don't dwell on the past.

Back to Porter forgetting our anniversary:

This morning I wrote a note to my sweetheart in a funny card I had found.  I picked up some beard wash from LUSH, a nice tie and some great smelling men's lotion.  I made chocolate covered strawberries and bought some bubbly for tonight.  When Porter came through the door after work I jumped up, grabbed the card and gifts and said ,"Happy Anniversary!  I love you."  To which I was met with a look of horror, confusion and oh crap all rolled into one.  He had forgotten today was our anniversary.  He didn't say anything about it this morning. So, I thought that might be the case, but I held out hope that he might surprise me with something.  Nope.  He just became one of "those guys."  It's okay, I think it happens to every guys at one point or another.  It's somewhat of a right of passage.

I wasn't mad though.  I had him open his card.  He laughed and then cried (just a little).  Then opened up his packages, which he loved.  All the while he was telling me how sorry he was and how much he loved me.  I told him about the strawberries and bubbly, which he is very excited for.  Then he asked where we should go for dinner so we planned that together.  So, was I disappointed? Yes.  Mad? No.  Why?  No, I'm not not a crazy lady.  My husband usually remembers big events.  He's been really busy with work lately and a little stressed out.  But he always treats me (this sounds super cliche) like a princess.  Every morning he makes me breakfast before I even wake up (which is awesome!), today he made eggs and crumpets.  Every day he tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves me.  He is always incredibly supportive, spends lots of time with me, talks to me about pretty much everything under the sun.  Why have one day to make your person feel extra special, when really everyday should be a celebration of your relationship.  Yep, it sounds super cheesy, like cheese whiz cheesy, but it's how we both feel.  So, it's okay that he forgot today, as long as it never happens again........ ;)

P.S.  After Porter read this post, he informed me that it is not okay that he forgot our anniversary, and he feels really bad about it.  But he did take us out to a lovely restaurant up in Wimbledon Village.

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